Important question: what can you actually control?

This past weekend I hosted my first workshop at my home. 

I've run hundreds of meetings and given scores of presentations, but this was the first event that I sponsored myself on a topic that was both personally interesting and related to the work I do with clients. 

The workshop was loosely dubbed "F*%$ Balance", a nod to the expectation that we as women should be able to find the mythical spot where the scales don't tip and everything is weighted equally. 

We all know this type of balance doesn't exist. 

And yet we chase it like our lives depend on it. 

And in our pursuit of "balance", we can become crippled by chronic worry and overwhelm. 

At the workshop, the participants - all women in various stages of motherhood and career - compiled a list of the things that keep them up at night, worrying. Here's an abridged list of the items, questions and categories that were mentioned: 

• Am I a good enough parent?

• The morning rush

• Am I living up to my potential?

• Career 

• Health of self and family

• School

• Am I being present enough?

• Stressed about being stressed

• Yelling at kids

• $$ Money $$

• Time - not enough of it

• Tired

• Relationships

• Marriage

• Am I missing their childhood?

• Self-worth

And this was just the tip of the iceberg. 

So if YOU are feeling any of these, please hear me when I say that YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE. 

We all struggle and feel overwhelmed at times. And looking at the list above, it's no wonder that "balance" is elusive. 

So here's the thing about balance:

You can have it all. You just can't have it all right now. 

You've heard that before, I'm sure. 

But it's easy to forget standing in the shadow of the mountain of worries that keeps you up at night. 

So how do we turn the tables? How do we inch our way towards a life that feels better, less frenetic?

How do we create lives and careers that we love and live up to the potential we know we have inside of us but haven't been able to tap into yet?

There was one big takeaway from the workshop that helped us start to answer this question:

REMEMBER WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL. LET GO OF THE REST. 

So much of what we worry about are things that are 100% out of our ability to control. 

The only thing we can control is ourselves, how we think, respond and show up. 

That's it. 

And you can take this as good news or bad news. 

It might feel like bad news if you're so used to playing the role of conductor in your life, clenching your jaw and white-knuckling your baton lest one violin play a wrong note. Maybe this makes you feel even more out of control, knowing that you have less impact than you would like, that the orchestra is full of independent musicians who can go rogue at any moment. 

But what if you looked at this as good news?

Because when you remember that the only thing you can control is yourself, that makes your list of worries much, much shorter. 

What a relief...

• you can't control what someone else will say, think or do. 

• to choose to respond to a situation in any way you see fit. 

• when you remember you can't actually control what your kids do. The only thing you can do is create the conditions in which you hope they'll thrive. 

• you don't have to stay in your job if you don't want to. You don't have to wait for the promotion. You can choose to speak up in the meeting even if it feels like you're going to die in doing so. 

You have control over yourself. Your thoughts. And how you show up. 

That's it. And it's everything. 

When we forget this simple truth, we feel overwhelmed. We spiral. We feel helpless. We leave our potential on the table. 

We stay feeling oppressed by low-lying grey rain clouds, instead of picking our head up and seeing the rainbow in the distance. 

So today, I want you to look at your list of worries. Ask yourself what is overwhelming you. Then identify what you can control. Focus on that, and only that. 

And take a deep sigh of relief.