This is for the worriers
This is for the worriers
The did we run out of milk-ers? The what will she think-ers.
Will I ever quit my job-ers? We have to call the plumber-ers.
The did we pack extra snack-ers? The watch the car on the right-ers.
Why am I so tired, am I dying-ers? Don't forget the gift for the teacher-ers.
The is the baby's jacket waterproof-ers? Because it's supposed to rain-ers.
Will I really succeed-ers? How will I ever afford that-ers.
The what if I look stupid-ers? The what if I fail-ers?
Does the baby have an ear infection-ers? How will I find childcare-ers.
The I hope the meeting goes well-ers. The I hope they don't disagree-ers.
Are the kids eating enough veggie-ers? They eat too much sugar-ers.
The do I look OK-ers? The I hope they like me-ers.
Will I have time to do it later-ers? I've gotta get to the market today-ers.
The what will my boss say-ers? The we're gonna be late-ers.
The can I just relax and enjoy-ers? Maybe if I didn't worry so much-ers.
This is for you.
Worry and overwhelm have entwined themselves so deeply in our lives that most of us don't realize how often we fall beneath the surface of their murky waves. We don't realize how much they hold us back, how much joy they steal from our lives.
We are programmed to worry. about. everything.
And yet, worry is a tease.
It makes us believe we're getting somewhere with our fretting and planning and second-guessing, but then it just leaves us high and dry.
Worrying doesn't solve problems.
It just makes us feel worse about things in advance.
It prevents us from coming up with clear-headed solutions.
It keeps us from enjoying what's right in front of us because we are preoccupied with what might happen in the future.
It shows up everywhere. Worry about kids. Career. Health. Relationships. It's insidious.
We spend a lot of time worrying. Not enough time actually living.
Take it from one former chronic worrier.
I used to worry about it all.
What if I don’t know the answer on the test?
God that was stupid what I said in that meeting.
I want to quit my job but I don’t know if I can make it work financially.
If I do this, she will be upset. If I do that, he will be pissed.
Every decision I made (or didn’t make) was typically flanked by worrying about the decision, and then worrying about whether I made the right decision. It was absolutely exhausting and ensured I lived in this weird purgatory of always worrying and never enjoying.
And to be honest, I don’t know if we can completely get rid of worry. But there are a few things I’ve learned over the years that have helped me worry less.
I do know that we can learn to stop worrying all of the time. That we can take that energy that was spent worrying and apply it to whatever it is that matters to us.
So let’s stop worrying so much about our worry.
Here are a few ways to start.
Notice your worry. You can’t change something that you don’t know exists. So start by noticing your worry. See it. Feel it. When does it come up? Can you anticipate it? Is it sudden? Can you recognize how much time you spend worrying instead of making decisions and taking action? Get good at shining the spotlight on it.
Make friends with it. Worry happens. You’re a human with a human brain and worrying is part of the territory. So don’t shame yourself for feeling worried and overwhelmed. It's normal. Nothing has gone wrong. This is your brain doing what brains do best. Think of your worry showing up - frantic, panic, breathless - and give it a hug.
Be honest about the worry. What do you do when you feel worried? Do you make clear-headed decisions and take meaningful action? Do you sit and spin and stew and pop some Tums? Notice how you show up in your life when you are feeling worried and overwhelmed, and ask yourself if that’s the way you want to show up.
What is underneath it? Spell it out. What are you scared of? If that actually happens (and what are the chances of it happening...) then what will you do then? Worry has a way of tricking us into believing that things will definitely go wrong, we will definitely fail, the other shoe will always drop. So first, get real about if you’re catastrophizing. Second, in the chance things DO go ‘wrong’, what then (and so what)? Can you put yourself there in advance and come up with a plan?
As women, as moms, we are programed to worry.
But worry doesn't have to be such a heavy burden for us to carry. Worry doesn't have to rob joy from our lives.
Start with the above. Notice your worry. Practice. And then practice some more.
You've got this. I'm not worried one bit.