This past weekend I hosted my first workshop at my home.
I've run hundreds of meetings and given scores of presentations, but this was the first event that I sponsored myself on a topic that was both personally interesting and related to the work I do with clients.
The workshop was loosely dubbed "F*%$ Balance", a nod to the expectation that we as women should be able to find the mythical spot where the scales don't tip and everything is weighted equally.
We all know this type of balance doesn't exist.
And yet we chase it like our lives depend on it.
And in our pursuit of "balance", we can become crippled by chronic worry and overwhelm.
The did we run out of milk-ers? The what will she think-ers.
Will I ever quit my job-ers? We have to call the plumber-ers.
The did we pack extra snack-ers? The watch the car on the right-ers.
Why am I so tired, am I dying-ers? Don't forget the gift for the teacher-ers.
The is the baby's jacket waterproof-ers? Because it's supposed to rain-ers.
Will I really succeed-ers? How will I ever afford that-ers.
The what if I look stupid-ers? The what if I fail-ers?
I took my son to his weekly swim class on Monday.
And as I sat there watching him, it was clear he was having a rough time. Didn't want to put his face in the water. A lot of whining. Some tears.
If I had gone in at that moment and asked, "Do you want to get out of the water?" he might have said yes.
But I didn't do that. I wanted him to finish his lesson.
I want you to stop settling
You may not even realize you’re doing it.
Because your life right now might be great. It might be everything you thought you wanted. It might be perfect on paper.
But settling is when we go with the flow because we don’t believe that we can have anything better than what we have now.
It’s defined by the things you DON’T do. It is inaction. It is not usually done consciously.
Settling is stagnation.
Settling is comfortable.
So, why do we do it?
So many of us stay stuck because we "don't know."
- We don't know HOW to do it
- We don't know WHAT to do next
- We don't know what we SHOULD do
Whatever the flavor, the effect is the same:
"I don't know" keeps us rooted very firmly in place.
But the thing is... you don't know HOW to do something until....wait for it...YOU ACTUALLY DO IT.
If you didn't already know this, I'm sorry, friends, to be the one to tell you. But it's true.
My daughter's birthday was a few days ago. She is 1!
Her first birthday completes an entire year of being a parent to two kids.
And I have found that it's true what everyone says. You can't imagine loving another child as much as your first. But somehow you do. It's different. At least for me it has been. I haven't had the same time-stopping fascination with her as I did with my son, when every move, look and sound he made was a reason to throw a parade.
With my daughter, I am much more interested in witnessing who she is becoming.